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Short Story

Is it good?


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    7
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JTT

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#1
For English class our teachers made us write short stories, I was bored and am writing one about Skycade, here is a snippet:

I woke to the sound of thunder, I was in another place, I was in The End the sound of Enderman teleporting all over the place, the sound of the Ender Dragon, coming, its coming for me. I remembered that I took his Dragon Egg, someone must of summoned him again. I'm in deep shit.

What do you think?
 

PigMatt

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#2
I think your English teacher would love for you to submit a story with swearing!!!!1!1!1!

Nice start tho.
 

JTT

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#3
I think your English teacher would love for you to submit a story with swearing!!!!1!1!1!

Nice start tho.
Its Year 9 English, I don't think they care tbh, and they said we could. And thanks :), your in the story btw, is that OK?

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Started Oct 17th, 2019
Discord JayTechTips#1330
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Randy: Oct 17th
Staff: Applied :)
 
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PigMatt

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#4
Its Year 9 English, I don't think they care tbh, and they said we could. And thanks :), your in the story btw, is that OK?

▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬▬
Started Oct 17th, 2019
Discord JayTechTips#1330
IGN JaytechTipsYT

Randy: Oct 17th
Staff: Applied :)
I’m fine with being in the story.
 

thendermanSlime

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#5
If I steal ur idea will u be mad?
 

JTT

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#6

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#7
I woke to the sound of thunder, I was in another place, I was in The End the sound of Enderman teleporting all over the place, the sound of the Ender Dragon, coming, its coming for me.
Run on sentence!!! I'll edit the story for you if you want!!

Jk... Unless?
 

AidenLikesPancakes

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#8
For English class our teachers made us write short stories, I was bored and am writing one about Skycade, here is a snippet:

I woke to the sound of thunder, I was in another place, I was in The End the sound of Enderman teleporting all over the place, the sound of the Ender Dragon, coming, its coming for me. I remembered that I took his Dragon Egg, someone must of summoned him again. I'm in deep shit.

What do you think?
because the teacher is gonna really understand what skycade or minecraft is
 

iStalklolitsalex

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#9
For English class our teachers made us write short stories, I was bored and am writing one about Skycade, here is a snippet:

I woke to the sound of thunder, I was in another place, I was in The End the sound of Enderman teleporting all over the place, the sound of the Ender Dragon, coming, its coming for me. I remembered that I took his Dragon Egg, someone must of summoned him again. I'm in deep shit.

What do you think?
Holy cringe. Please don’t send this to your teacher. Ha!
 

Hydra

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#12
@JTT you don't need to react with a thumbs down to everyone in the thread, at this point it's getting to be dislike farming. They're making valid points
 

JTT

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#13
@JTT you don't need to react with a thumbs down to everyone in the thread, at this point it's getting to be dislike farming. They're making valid points
I know, but if I don't agree with something they said:

Holy cringe. Please don’t send this to your teacher. Ha!
I'm not allowed to thumbs down this? I did remove my 2nd one where it was not necessary
 

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#15
You're allowed to thumbs down, but just don't do it to half the posts in a thread
 

JTT

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#16
Its coming along really well :)
 

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#17
because the teacher is gonna really understand what skycade or minecraft is
Holy cringe. Please don’t send this to your teacher. Ha!
I know, but if I don't agree with something they said:



I'm not allowed to thumbs down this? I did remove my 2nd one where it was not necessary
Whether or not you agree with them, they are right. Its generally not a very good idea to choose a topic that nobody will understand, as it makes it difficult to effectively evaluate the integrity of the plot. Also, writing a story about the plot of a videogame is just as a whole not very creative, and your classmates might think you're something of a weirdo for writing a minecraft fantasy. I highly suggest you invent your own "worlds" when writing stories and choose plots that allow for some depth of meaning to be transferred.
Some grammar mistakes I noted (that are likely continued throughout the course of the paper):
You tend to use run on sentences because you are mixing up commas with periods. Every single comma in your snippet should be a period. None of them are grammatically correct as a comma. On the rare occasion that you do need to tie two sentences together (and that should only be done when they build off each other) you would use a semicolon ( ; ). You also repeated the word "end" many times in those two lines, which is repetitive and poor writing in general. I suggest you rephrase. "Must of" isn't proper grammar; the correct usage would be "must have".
Lastly, that snippet seems to jump through a large part of plot, with no support provided for the conclusions drawn within.

You asked what people think and there's my advise. I scored a 5 on both the AP Literature and AP Language exams and a 36 on the writing section of the ACT so hopefully that provides some justification for the suggestions I've made.
 
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JTT

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#18
Whether or not you agree with them, they are right. Its generally not a very good idea to choose a topic that nobody will understand, as it makes it difficult to effectively evaluate the integrity of the plot. Also, writing a story about the plot of a videogame is just as a whole not very creative, and your classmates might think you're something of a weirdo for writing a minecraft fantasy. I highly suggest you invent your own "worlds" when writing stories and choose plots that allow for some depth of meaning to be transferred.
Some grammar mistakes I noted (that are likely continued throughout the course of the paper):
You tend to use run on sentences because you are mixing up commas with periods. Every single comma in your snippet should be a period. None of them are grammatically correct as a comma. On the rare occasion that you do need to tie two sentences together (and that should only be done when they build off each other) you would use a semicolon ( ; ). You also repeated the word "end" many times in those two lines, which is repetitive and poor writing in general. I suggest you rephrase. "Must of" isn't proper grammar; the correct usage would be "must have".
Lastly, that snippet seems to jump through a large part of plot, with no support provided for the conclusions drawn within.

You asked what people think and there's my advise. I scored a 5 on both the AP Literature and AP Language exams and a 36 on the writing section of the ACT so hopefully that provides some justification for the suggestions I've made.
Thanks for this, yeah I see where your coming from.




Requesting lock @GEnderDragon
 
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